Holiday Party Etiquette

It’s time to review some basic etiquette skills for the sake of your reputation and professional future. Trust me when I say I have experience with this (not providing any further details). As we go over party etiquette, please think of how you can apply these skills to both your company holiday parties as well as family “get-to-gathers.” Obviously, there would be some adjustment and some irrelevant information for one or the other, but generally, the same principles apply. Here we go:

Everything in moderation--Remember, a lady and a gentleman, never draw attention to themselves. This would include overindulging in our dress, eating, drinking, dancing, flirting or any other behavior that we can become the “center of attention.” Think “CLASS,” think “HONOR,” think “DO I WANT TO BE THE STORY TOMORROW?” With these things in mind, I think you’ll be fine.

Dress appropriate for the occasion. The way we dress sends a message to those in attendance; how we feel about the occasion and how we value our time there. Consider what message you want to send to your family, co-workers or even your boss.

Never ask if you can bring someone to the party unless the host included “...and guest,” on the invitation or personally told you to please feel free to bring along a friend with you. This is a big NO, NO!!!!

Make sure we honor the host by being on time and leaving on time. First rule of etiquette...BE ON TIME!

Be sure to thank the host who coordinated the party. For family gatherings, it is very polite to take a gift to the host: a plant, a book, a candle, a cookbook, etc. Just something small, but something that shows the host you were thinking of them and appreciate their generosity in hosting the event.

If you’re the host, a few things to remember to make your guest feel comfortable are:
Send invitations at least 3 weeks ahead of time (6 weeks if going to “out of town” guest)
Include directions in the invitation
Include the “dress” if a company gathering
Inform guest if it is OK to bring a guest
Be aware of community events that might affect attendance (LIKE THE TENNESSEE/FLORIDA GAME---HELLO!!!)
It is the host’s responsibility to make sure that all your guest makes it home safely. Meaning, if a guest has had too much alcohol to drink, make arrangements to get them home

Remember CONVERSATION ETIQUETTE. OK People, now listen. I’m not sure why this is an issue that we must discuss on a regular basis, but...I feel obligated for the sake of all our sensitive ears. A few things to remember when speaking to others, especially at holiday functions (remember, The Happy Times), are:
Keep the conversation positive
No, they don’t want to hear about your latest Hernia
Don’t speak unkindly of others, ESPECIALLY YOUR FAMILY (ETIQUETTE RULE BREAKER NUMBER 336)
Don’t tell a story that last longer than 5 minutes---Period!
Yes, it’s OK to tell a few things about your children’s accomplishments this year, however, this should only take a couple of minutes. You’re family is not writing an essay on the life and success of your little 2 year old Brewster.

Ask questions. Great conversation happens when both parties make inquiries about the other person. This shows your care and concern for those you speak with. It sends the message, “I am interested in you and your life.”

Be gracious. Please no foul language, no vulgar or racist jokes (it’s not funny), no human noises (I’m talking to you DAD), no teasing others. Teasing is actually a big deal. You know that uncle who always wanted to know how many boys you kissed this past year. UGH!!! This is not cool, and more importantly, not polite.

Never say or do anything that would embarrass another person at the party.
Compliment others
And finally, Remember...what’s happening today, is what’s happening tomorrow on FACEBOOK. Beware!!

Have a great Thanksgiving. I love this country. I love my family. I love being an American. I love our American history. Learn about it and you will better enjoy this sacred holiday for our country.

Monica Irvine
a.k.a. Mary Manners

Correcting with Respect

This month, I would like to discuss the etiquette skill of correcting our children. What? You didn’t know there was an etiquette skill involved in this? Well, there is. Let’s review our definition of proper etiquette for those new readers who may be joining us. Proper etiquette is defined as, “helping those around us to feel more valued and more comfortable.” With this definition in mind, it is important that we not only apply it to those outside of our families, but that we apply it with our most treasured relationships, our families. As we do so, it will help us establish more loving relationships, including the relationships we have with our children. Now before I go on, I do not wish to address the controversial topic of discipline. That is a subject I leave to the judgement, wisdom and love of parents. However, I do wish to discuss how we approach and carryout whatever discipline we choose to use.

If you remember, we have discussed before that it is not polite to correct others in front of others. This means that we never “call out” someone in public, or in front of others, because this might embarrass or belittle them. If a correction is in need, we simply wait for the opportunity when we can pull the person aside and in private, politely give the correction. This same principle applies to our children. WE NEVER WANT TO EMBARRASS OUR CHILDREN. Now hold on. Breathe.....Let’s discuss the solution to this dilemma. Do our children sometimes need correcting when we are in public? Do chickens lay eggs? Of course they do. Sometimes those little angels of ours are worse than a tic on a hound, however, we must do our best to show complete respect and honor to our children. Please, please don’t ever yell, spank, criticize, etc. your children in the presence of others, even their siblings. This means that you have to separate yourself and your child and administer the correction in private. Sometimes, due to the safety of your other children, you cannot separate yourself at the time. In that case, you will simply have to pull your child to the side and quietly acknowledge that the correction will happen at a later time.

I know I’m suggesting something that will be difficult at times. I had all boys in my home, so trust me when I say that this takes great self control and patience. I can promise you however, that as we make an effort to show respect to our children by striving to protect their dignity, our children’s love and respect for us will increase as well. As our children realize that correcting them comes from love and devotion, instead of anger and frustration, they will learn to honor our words and our actions. No, of course it doesn’t mean they will always love or enjoy being corrected, but they will know that we correct because we love them.

As we consider ways that we can show our children love and respect, I think it will help to simply consider how we would want someone to correct us. Just because they’re children, doesn’t mean that we have a license to embarrass or humiliate them, regardless of their behavior. It’s the principle of two wrongs, don’t make a right. I think this is a topic worth spending some time pondering and considering. Some day, our children will ponder our parenting when they are making decisions for their own children. I hope we leave them a legacy of trust, honor, love and encouragement as we help shape their precious lives.

Have a great month.
Monica Irvine
a.k.a. Mary Manners